Can sex be a spiritual practice?

Q: I’m a year sober through a 12 step program and authentic sobriety has cleared my channel to connect with God in ways more profound than I could have anticipated for myself. My life is full, astoundingly beautiful, and spiritually nourished. Yet with the absence of substances to remedy my discomforts and hide behind, I’m finding myself in my first sober, sexual relationship with someone I very much cherish. And stuff is comin’ up woohooo. I remind myself how beautiful that is, that this part of me feels safe enough to ask to be spoken with. Any tips on integrating spirituality into the process of love making to help with rising insecurities found through this new deep presence with self when so connected with another human being? How do we bring God into the sexual, intimate experience in this way? To still be playful, relaxed, open, and reverent?

A: Wow! Congrats on your sobriety and the gifts of perception it has brought you. That’s incredible!

Here’s how I’m going to answer your question.

One of the most powerful things that could make every person on Earth more self-contained—and dare I use a pop spiritual buzzword... sovereign—is a deeper understanding of what pleasure and love actually are and where they truly come from.

Let’s start with a nonsexual example. Right now, it’s 7 AM, and I haven’t had my coffee yet. I love my coffee. It’s literally what gets me out of bed in the morning because I’m so excited to drink it. (I don’t have a problem, I swear.) That first sip? Pure joy. My heart buzzes. Maybe you can relate—whether it’s coffee, a favorite treat, or anything else you look forward to throughout the day, it feels good, right?

Now, here’s the yogic perspective. Anything external that “makes you feel good” isn’t actually creating the feeling—it’s simply an occasion that allows your inner self, or your inner God, to flash forward and be felt in your experience. In other words, external stimuli trigger the presence of God already within you.

One way to test this is with an analogy my group uses a lot: Imagine eating a piece of pie. That first bite? Amazing. You feel great. If you have a second piece, it still tastes good, but the feeling isn’t quite as intense. By the time you eat a third piece, you probably feel kind of gross. So if the good feeling actually came from the pie, then logically, the more pie you ate, the better you would feel—but that’s not how it works. This alone proves that pleasure doesn’t come from things. Instead, things simply shift your mind into a state that allows your own inner goodness—the natural capacity to feel pleasure—to rise to the surface.

So, what does this mean for intimacy?

When you’re with your partner—enjoying them, being close, having sex—if you want to bring God into the equation, remember this: all of the love and pleasure you feel with this person is your own presence of God coming forward. Your beautiful, wonderful, amazing partner—who you are now experiencing through the lens of sobriety—is simply the occasion for God to reveal Herself in your mind.

This is why I always post that meme on Valentine’s Day that says:"Every time you fall in love, God is throwing you a rope."

Because every time you feel that intensity of love, that surge of pleasure—especially during sex—God is handing you the easiest, most undeniable way to be present with Her.

So if you want to turn sex into a spiritual practice, all you have to do is view all of that sensation as God. Speak to Her mentally. Offer gratitude. Simply think: "Wow. Thank you. I’m so glad You have graced me with Your presence in this moment."

And the best part? It doesn’t have to distract you from being embodied with your partner. It actually deepens the experience. It’s the easiest way to feel God’s presence—so why wouldn’t you?

I brush more on this idea in this Q&A session on Patreon if you want to check it out!

And this whole idea of allowing pleasure/sex/joy to become a moment of worship is exactly how you turn your entire life into a spiritual practice. This is the type of work I do with my mentees in my 6 month program, where we work together to Divinize our engagement with life. ♡ Reach out -- whoever is reading -- if you're ready to empower your spiritual life!

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