I want to believe in God—but I just can’t. What do I do?

Q: I so desperately want to believe in some type of higher power/greater good, but I find myself seemingly unable to have faith in anything. I know you were previously an atheist - did you have to seek out spiritual belief? How can someone who wants to believe, but just can't for whatever reason, ultimately find something to believe in?

A: A good place to start might be questioning what you think faith actually means.

Faith is many things—but one way of looking at it is as something that’s always there. You already have faith in many things. You have faith in your ability to breathe. You have faith in your body’s capacity to keep your heart beating. You even have faith in the simple fact of your awareness; you’re aware of your inability to have faith in anything. Strangely enough, a synonym for God is actually Awareness.

For me, faith in God stems from my understanding that She is the source of all creation and dwells within all of it. She is everything—every speck of dust, every molecule, every celestial body, and the space between each breath. With this perspective, faith isn’t a big “risk” or “leap” as it’s often portrayed in other spiritual or religious systems. It doesn’t require surrendering everything, giving up control, or blindly following a pastor’s directions.

People who ask questions like these about faith often haven’t been exposed to teachers or systems that operate at a higher level of spirituality—one rooted in personal responsibility and experimentation. And that makes sense; it’s uncommon. So many spiritual or religious spaces are tainted by hidden agendas of domination and control.

In my approach, I offer recommendations, but they’re always given with an open hand, leaving it up to you to experiment and see if they hold true. Real spiritual teachings require your interaction. They don’t demand blind acceptance or submission. They invite you to play, tinker, and discover their validity. You need to mess around with them, and once you do, you will inevitably see that they hold up. Most traditional systems of religion don’t want you to do that. Because if you do… you leave the church. You see all of the loopholes. Sophisticated systems of spiritual knowledge have no loopholes because they’re all based in paradox. A paradox is not a loophole. It might feel like it. But it’s not. Understanding this opens the path forward.

Faith, then, is both ever-present (which may require a shift in worldview) and a process. It’s about your relationship with life itself. My relationship mentor, Jayson Gaddis, defines faith as the inherent trustworthiness of life. The mere fact that you’re alive and breathing, despite everything you’ve endured, is evidence of this trustworthiness. Yes, you might have bruises and wounds you’re working to heal, but within you is an undeniable push toward personal evolution. That force—Grace—is the ultimate expression of faith. It’s the biological and spiritual evolution happening within you. The more you engage with this force, the faster it propels you forward. It’s inevitable—you’re hooked. 🎣 The question is, will you fight against it or collaborate with it?

Belief is another thing to consider.

I don’t say, “I believe in God” because I don’t.

I experience God.

BIG DIFFERENCE.

God is an experience I have daily. I feel Her in the sensations of my body and witness Her in the small miracles around me. A small miracle might be the exact right person approaching me about something or the perfect podcast episode landing in my lap to answer a lingering question. God is not about belief—it’s about direct experience. “Believing in God” is a relic of outdated religious systems that demand faith in external sources of wisdom.

Real spirituality turns that external wisdom inward until you become your own authority. The universe’s infinite complexity is already within every cell of your body. Teachers and teachings act as cues, but the experience is ultimately yours. God dwells within you, as you.

Finally, let’s address the idea of the “higher good.”

Something that might get in the way of your “belief” is the “higher good” concept itself. Maybe you feel resentment toward God because of how completely fucked up the world is. Very common and normal.

But here's the thing: it’s fucked up no matter what and will remain fucked up forever.

We are quite literally in "the fucked up realm" (less crass, more professional guides refer to this as the realm of joy & sorrow).

So, instead of bargaining with God with all of your thoughts & feelings about how things on earth could be better — it might be wise to begin to give “fucked up things” a seat at the table in your spiritual worldview. So many people want to feel "whole" but don't allow harm/destruction a place within themselves. You don't become integrated by shunning any aspect of yourself OR reality. Jot that one down.

We are not in a spiritual war against demonic forces. That’s not why there is genocide, famine, climate change, ethnic cleansing, etc. There is no good & evil. There is only chaos & order.

And the presence of all things you deem as “evil” or “unconscionable” is the result of the law of cause and effect. Given everything that’s ever happened; given everything EVERYONE IS DOING — what else would be happening? If it wasn’t supposed to be happening, it wouldn’t be happening. If the "supposed to" phrasing made your stomach twist that's okay; I don't mean in the sense that anyone deserves it. But something much more interesting and mature.

This is a charged topic but I highly recommend listening to my talk on karma if you want to ground into this idea. It’s quite simple, but requires surrendering a bit of your ego’s attachment to “knowing.” Through this, clarity is found. It doesn't make the presence of fucked up things less painful; it stops you from wasting energy on believing things should be different. Use your energy more efficiently, eh?

So, if there’s one thing I hope you take away, it’s that faith isn’t about blind belief or surrendering to some external authority. Faith is a relationship—a process of learning to trust life itself and engaging with the force of Grace that’s always working within you. It’s about experimenting, experiencing, and discovering for yourself what holds true. The world is messy, chaotic, and often painful, but that doesn’t mean it’s broken. Chaos and order are part of the same dance, and your spiritual path begins when you stop fighting against it and start collaborating with the inherent trustworthiness of life. Faith isn’t out there—it’s already in you.

If you ever want to troubleshoot this in-depth, my books are open to you. I speak with people about FAITH & DEVOTION on a near daily basis; it's the no. 1 thing people come to me about.

🌟 Want to dive deeper into your spirituality? Let's connect:

📧 Email: immanent.divinity@gmail.com

🔗 Website: www.hannawilliams.com

📱 Social Media: @grace.pilled

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I look forward to walking beside you! ✨