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Do you need a spiritual partner?

Updated: Jul 5

Q: I'm on the spiritual path - it's my primary framework for seeing through the world / or for seeing the world through.

How important is it do you think to have a life partner on the spiritual path or who shares a similar spiritual framework?

A: Great question, and makes a lot of sense that you would ask! I've given this a lot of thought, and to begin, I am currently in a relationship with someone who is not on the same path as me. So, it's possible. But let's get into it...

For many on the spiritual path, it's very common to think that a spiritual partner is necessary. We think:

I need to find someone who at best, is on the spiritual quest with me, or at least, supports my spiritual quest.

Those are good things. Not saying it’s bad.

However, I hold a view that is somewhat counter to many other spiritual guides out there. I actually don't believe that you need a spiritual partner to succeed on the spiritual path.

What you need is you, and the way YOU engage with your partners.

YOU alone are the agent that makes love and relating a spiritual occasion.

It’s not on the people outside of you. It’s on you.

The people outside of you are either productive or counter productive to the way that YOU want to experience not only your life, but God Herself.

So, before people get confused:

Having a spiritual partner isn’t necessarily a problem.

Truly, from the tantric view, NOTHING in our life is necessarily a problem. There are no barriers to God, but there are obstacles. For the integral spiritual practitioner, everything in our life needs to revolve around our spiritual quest.

And when we REALLY do that — things become less of a problem.

Because everything we are encountering can become a tool towards our awakening: either it’s an opportunity to practice the teachings, or its an opportunity to live in remembrance.

And so…

Our romantic relationships are perfect spaces for us to do both of those things, perpetually.

I’ve had spiritual partners. And I’ve always been grateful for them. It’s very valuable to link up with people who understand your worldview, people who genuinely support you

and the things you have to do to take your spirituality seriously.

Because honestly, some of the things we need to do to really take this stuff seriously can go against what the average person wants, what ordinary human consciousness wants.

However... a yogi refuses ordinary consciousness.

A yogi realizes they’ve been ordinary for lifetimes.

So… having a person who understands is great. It’s supportive. They can be a positive force in your spiritual life. However, I don’t live with the feeling that my partner is what makes my relationship spiritual.

I am what makes the relationship spiritual.

I know from experience that being with a spiritual partner is not enough to make a relationship work, period. What makes a relationship work has much more to do

with physical conditions than spiritual conditions — and I can tell you from my own lived experience that a spiritual connection is not enough to make it work.

And sometimes, when it’s really not working, that can become a spiritual obstacle.

Love isn’t an obstacle to god.

The anxiety that is produced by being in the wrong relationship can absolutely be an obstacle.

I’m sharing from experience.

So, let’s say you find the perfect spiritual partner.

They want to meditate with you, they are interested in the teachings. Woo hoo! Good for you. You got what you wanted. And maybe you stay with this person for 20 years.

And sure, you “do spiritual things together.”

…but my question is:

What is your mind doing during all those years with your spiritual partner ?

Are you with THEM, or are you with a made up version of them that you wish they could be?

If you find a spiritual partner but spend the entire relationship trying to change them,

living in resistance to their individuality, controlling their behavior—you’ve accomplished nothing, and you’re NOT in a spiritual partnership.

It doesn’t matter if you’re “doing spiritual things with them.”

DESPITE how much you meditate with them, DESPITE the spiritual workshops and experiences you have together.

All you’ve done in that situation is taken the path of ordinary human consciousness and dressed it up in spiritual sheeps clothing.

The specifics of what we are doing matter less than how we engage with the specifics.

“Doing spiritual things” means nothing if you’re not truly ACTING spiritual.

Alternatively… you could partner with someone who isn’t particularly interested in spirituality but spend the entire relationship trying to worship their inner God,

living in service to them, and continuously improving yourself for the sake of not only your union, but the entire web of life.

Now THAT would be much more of an accomplishment.

THAT would be a spiritual relationship.

Even if you never do a breath work intensive with them.

The point of the story is that spirituality is about engagement—it’s about how we approach life.

And if we find a spiritual partner but continue to approach them and everything else

in a limited, ordinary way—the relationship doesn’t mean very much for our spiritual process.

So, to actually answer your question: It is and isn't important. Are they supportive of your path? YES, that's great. Can you BE A YOGI in the relationship, regardless of their faith? That's what matters more.


🌟 Want to dive deeper into your spirituality? Let's connect:

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I look forward to walking beside you! ✨

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